


the world would make sense again if i held your hand

by whatiwroteinink



Category: bare: A Pop Opera - Hartmere/Intrabartolo
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Catholic Guilt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jason McConnell Lives, M/M, cannon compliant (until it's not), jason mcconnel needs a hug, peter simmonds ALSO needs a hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:33:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26039500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatiwroteinink/pseuds/whatiwroteinink
Summary: “Jason. You can’t…” Peter blinked again, feeling heat rise in his chest. “You can’t hide anymore. And I can’t hide anymore, I don’t- I don’t want to hide anymore.”A sob caught in Jason’s throat, threatening to rip itself out. “But what if we-”“Jason, stop.”“Just. Think about it? Please, Peter, we could leave right now, we could- we-”Peter was silent.----cannon-based fix it!! jason doesn't take the ghb and they end up not happy exactly, but alive and healing and warm and together. also peter says fuck a lot bcs thats what he deserves.
Relationships: Jason McConnell/Peter Simmonds
Comments: 5
Kudos: 32





	the world would make sense again if i held your hand

**Author's Note:**

> hey! the implied self harm isn't graphic at all but i have put a warning before and after if you want to skip that section :) i really hope you like this as much as i liked writing it. a better ending for them :) title from "bare" from bare: a pop opera (duh)

“Hey, you know we’re still cool, right?”

Jason stared at Lucas blankly. He nodded, and smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“Thanks.” He pocketed the vial and left. 

In the wings it was dark and hushed. A little light streamed through the curtain, casting macabre shadows on the stage floor. It felt empty. 

_ That’s something we have in common,  _ Jason thought. 

Peter was standing in a corner, looking down at his script with furrowed brows. His lips were moving ever so slightly, mouthing lines of poetry, and Jason almost smiled at the sight. Almost.

“Hey.”

Peter looked up, his mouth forming a soft ‘oh’. 

“Hey.”

“I talked to Father,” Jason murmured, making it sound like small talk when it was anything but. “About us.”

Peter started, closing his script and looking Jason in the eyes. 

“Really? And?” 

Jason’s mouth opened and closed again. His words were caught in his throat, in his tongue, in his chest.

“Oh,” Peter said. 

Sensing that was the end of it, Peter tore his eyes away from Jason’s and looked back down. He turned to leave.

“Peter, wait-” Jason stopped, struggling for his breath. “What if- what if we escaped this, Peter? You and I, what if we ran away and just- didn’t look back.

Peter bit back tears, tasting copper. He wanted more than anything to say yes. To say yes and believe it.

“Jason. You can’t…” Peter blinked again, feeling heat rise in his chest. “You can’t hide anymore. And I can’t hide anymore, I don’t- I don’t  _ want _ to hide anymore.”

A sob caught in Jason’s throat, threatening to rip itself out. “But what if we-”

“Jason, stop.” 

“Just. Think about it? Please, Peter, we could leave right now, we could- we-”

Peter was silent.

Jason turned to walk away as sparks pricked at the back of his eyes, and he willed himself to numbness. 

“Jason-” Peter grabbed Jason’s arm, spinning him around. 

**_[STOP HERE FOR IMPLIED S/H]_ **

“ _ Fuck, _ ” Jason said sharply, ripping himself out of Peter’s grip and turning his face away. Peter took a step back, his eyes widening. 

“Jason, what-”

“Fuck, Peter, just shut up!” 

Even with the ambient chatter from beyond the wings, the theatre felt violently silent. Peter set his jaw and steeled himself for the worst. “Show me your arm, Jason.”

“Peter-”

“Jason.”

Reluctantly, Peter turned back around. He put his hand on his sleeve and looked down, refusing to meet Peter’s worried gaze. He pulled it up a few inches, and Peter gasped quietly. 

“Jason, did you-”

“Don’t.”

“Did you do this to yourself?”

**_[KEEP READING]_ **

“Peter, just-” Jason’s voice cracked and he took in a shuddering breath. “Just leave me alone.”

A tear slipped down Peter’s cheek. “Quite honestly, Jason, I don’t think I can trust you alone right now.”

Tanya’s voice broke the moment, somehow bell-like and grating at once in the sacred place the two boys had created. “Two minutes, everyone!”

“You can’t trust me alone right now, Peter? It’s, it’s fucking two minutes. What the hell are you gonna do, we have a show to put on, we have-”

Suddenly, Jason was pulled into a bone crushing hug, and he felt Peter’s face pressed tightly into his shoulder. He didn’t know that he could feel so small.

Peter pulled away, keeping both of Jason’s hands in his. “We won’t let you be alone.”  
“How, Peter? How?”

Peter kissed him gently on the cheek, wiping a tear from under his perfect blue eyes. “Come with me.”

With determination, Peter pulled down Jason’s sleeve and kept his hold on his hand, and began walking firmly in the direction of the green room, across the stage and behind the drawn velvet curtains. As they passed, Matt caught Peter’s eye and stood up. 

“Look, guys, what I did… that was messed up, I-”  
“Not in the _fucking_ mood for it right now, Matt. Sit down.”

In the green room, Peter pulled Jason in a beeline into Sister Chantelle’s office. He closed the door behind them. 

Without turning, she started speaking.   
“Y’all better have a GODLY reason for comin’ in here and not being at places right now- boys.”

She looked them up and down, taking note of their red faces and ragged breathing. Peter looked terrified and Jason looked completely turned in on himself and numb. With every passing moment, another part of her heart broke.

“What’s wrong?”

After a split-second pause that seemed to stretch for years, Peter couldn’t take it anymore, and a broken sob ripped itself from his lips. 

“Sister, I- he’s not-  _ fuck _ , he’s not safe, and I don’t know if I am and I can’t take it anymore! I can’t take this incessant lying, the hiding, dreading the truth, but I can’t take not having him either! And I can’t take- I can’t- I can’t take whatever his plans are. I don’t know, but I can feel it, and I can’t take it if that happens. I can’t.”

Tears formed in the corner of Sister Chantelle’s eyes, but she blinked them back. This wasn’t a moment for her. 

“Jason-” she started, but he moved before she could start speaking. Out of his pocket he produced a small vial full of clear, watery liquid. 

“I think…” he said quietly, holding it out to Chantelle with a trembling hand, “I think you should hold on to this.”

She took it wordlessly, not wanting to ask what it was and immensely glad he didn’t have it anymore.

Jason opened his mouth, and cracked a small, sad smile. “And I don’t think I can perform tonight.” 

“I’ll deal with this, boys. I’ll… I’ll fix this for you. Everything I can. Just stay here.”

Peter sat on the small couch in the office as Sister Chantelle left, and, out of immediate crisis, he let the tears roll down his cheeks more freely, taking in deep, shuddering breaths and wiping at his face. 

“Peter?”

Peter looked up at the impossibly small voice he heard and saw Jason, standing in the middle of the tiny room and looking so lost and so alone. 

“Yeah?”

Jason looked up, blue eyes meeting brown. “Hold me?”

Peter sobbed once, feeling everything in the room enter his body and leave it all at once. “Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, come here.”

On unsteady legs, Jason walked over and sat down, curling up into Peter’s side and wrapping his arms around him. Peter closed his eyes and, hugging Jason back, let himself breathe. 

After ten minutes or two hours, Jason broke the silence. “I can hear your heartbeat.”

Peter smiled, and squeezed Jason tighter for just a moment. “Yeah? Keep listening.” 

**Author's Note:**

> SFDHGSHSG SORRY!!!! GOD I AM SO SOFT FOR THEM!!!!! they rly just needed to be held and comforted and i..... i'm emotional. sister chantelle saves everything and she owns my soul. lmk if u want me to continue in this fix-it au!! i'd actually rly like to as this is the first thing i've been able to finish in months due to depression kicking my ass. please like and comment and feel free to yell @ me on twt @meloneons (im more active here) or tumblr @whatiwroteinink. i love u each please take ur meds, stretch, hydrate, and love yourself :)


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